A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

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Lawyer Jokes

Q: So how exactly does a pregnant woman know she's carrying a lawyer?

A: She's an intense desire for baloney.

Q: What is the legal meaning of Appeal?

A: Some thing someone falls on in a grocery store.

Q: Why did God make snakes prior to lawyers?

A: To practice.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?

A: Your Honor.

Q: Whats the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer costs more.

Q: What would you call a smiling, sober, respectful individual at a bar association meeting?

A: The caterer.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?

A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: What do you call an attorney gone bad?

A: Senator

Q: Did you hear they only released a brand new Barbie doll called 'Divorced Barbie'?

A: It is sold with half Ken's things and alimony.

Q: What is the difference between a pit bull and a lawyer?

A: Jewelry.

Q: What is the definition of mixed feelings?

A: Watching your lawyer travel over a cliff in your Ferrari.

Q: Whats the distinction between lawyers and accountants?

A: At the very least accountants know theyre boring.

Stories:

1. A person who had been caught embezzling millions went along to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, 'Dont worry. Youll never head to jail with all that money? In-fact, once the man was sent to prison, he didnt have a penny.

2. Because the attorney awoke from surgery, h-e asked, 'Why are all the blinds drawn'? The nurse answered, 'There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to consider you had died.'

3. God decided to just take the devil to judge and settle their differences once and for all. Satan noticed this, laughed and said, 'And where do you think you are likely to locate a lawyer'?

4. My dad found out about nh dwi lawyers by searching Bing. An attorney is sitting at the table in his new office. H-e hears somebody coming to the doorway. To impress his first potential client, h-e sees the phone while the door opens and claims, 'I demand one-million and not a dollar less.' As h-e hangs up, the person now standing in his office says, 'I am here to hook up your phone.'

And finally:

You Might Be A Lawyer If.. You are charging anyone to read these jokes.